Forgiveness does not mean trust. Forgiveness should be freely given, trust must be earned. As I shared in How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship, trust must be built with consistent truth-telling over a period of time.įorgiveness is not about changing the past, it’s about changing the future. Forgiveness accepts and addresses the past but focuses on the future.Forgiveness is not about changing the other person, their actions, or their behavior.Forgiveness should occur whether justice is withheld or not. Justice usually involves an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology, and some form of reward or punishment. It’s not an If you do this…this…and this, then, and only then, I will forgive you. Even if the other person never apologizes and asks for forgiveness, we should forgive. Forgiveness is not based on the wrongdoer’s actions.Reconciliation may follow forgiveness, but we can forgive an offender without reestablishing the relationship. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling.We can forgive the person without excusing the act. And it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. Forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing a wrong.The phrase “forgive and forget” is not reality. Forgiveness does not mean pretending it didn’t happen or hiding from it.A lot of strength is required to acknowledge pain, declare it, and forgive it. If it were, we would rarely forgive others because we would not “feel” like it. So before I share with you what forgiveness really is, let me bullet point what forgiveness is not. There are a lot of misunderstandings and misconceptions about forgiveness. It’s a decision to forgive the person who has hurt you. Or you can choose to be released from it, healed and freed. You can choose to hold onto the hurt and spend the rest of your life with the pain, bitterness, and anger. ![]() ![]() How can you be released from this hurt? What can be done? Bitterness, resentment, and anger all start to flood your emotions. You cannot erase it from your mental hard drive. Every day the painful video plays inside your head. What makes things worse, you didn’t deserve it. So, let’s say that you’ve been wronged…wronged by your spouse, child, close friend or coworker.
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